I lost myself

I can not be myself anymore


In the name of survival,

In the name of practicality,

In the name of winning,

I have lost myself somewhere.


I’m running fast

I’m running hard

But, am I running in the right path?

I can not stop to think

The next one will overtake.

In the madness to win the race,

I have lost myself somewhere.


Oh! The millions of dreams I had,

The things I held close to heart,

The love I thought will never depart –

All are lost along the path

And I have lost myself somewhere.


I had friends, am still so proud

But today, alone among the crowd

I was very rich without a penny

Now, just a beggar with lots of money.

I know, I have lost myself somewhere.


This is not the ‘I’, that I had always known

Alas! I am not myself now

And I can not be myself anymore

F.R.I.E.N.D.S.H.I.P

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My umbrella and me

It is amazing how a rain in the morning can change everything, including my mood. I got up from bed, earlier than usual, on hearing the sound of the drizzle. I gazed at the beauty of the rain for a long time, before getting ready to office.

When I stepped out of my house, I pat myself on the back for bringing the umbrella from office yesterday. Usually, I keep my umbrella in office so that I am not taken by surprise by the evening drizzle that comes these days. But then, something told me that it is going to rain today morning and I remembered to take my umbrella with me.

On my way to office, I could not but wonder how rain can turn the ordinary into the extraordinary. The same trees, the same flowers, and the same road – everything looked great. Even the crow sitting on a tree, with its feather wet in the rain, appeared so beautiful.

I was walking carefully to avoid the splash of water from the passing vehicles, when I heard the sound “Mani Uncle”. I was surprised to see the kids from the child-home which I used to visit on weekends. The kids were five to ten years old. They were on the way to their school (which is in the road connecting ECR and OMR). All of them were fully drenched. They were trying very hard to protect their backpacks from getting wet. They did not have the luxury of an umbrella like I did. Rain was not-so-beautiful for them.

In spite of all this, they smiled at me cheerfully. I smiled back at them standing inside the safety of my umbrella. When the kids left, bidding me goodbye, I felt guilty for carrying an umbrella with me.

My hair dresser and me

It is great to have a holiday in the middle of the week. But, this Wednesday I did not have the usual enthusiasm. Yes...I had to do the thing I hate most - going to the barber shop. I do not know why, but I had developed this rather strange aversion towards going to the barber shop even when I was a kid. For several weeks, I have been successfully discovering different excuses to postpone my haircut. But, this time my hair had grown to such an extent where further postponing is just not possible. There is no stopping the inevitable, I realised. Now came the big question. "Which saloon should I go for?" Living in ‘Solinganallur hi-tech city’, I did not have many options to choose from.

I reached the saloon which was near the hotel where I used to have my dinner. To my pleasant surprise, there was no one in the waiting list, probably because it was not a holiday for many. I need not sit there in the bench, pretending to be reading the left-outs of the local newspaper. At last, I could find something to be happy about that morning.

I went inside. All the three chairs were empty. I went towards the centre one and was about to sit, when the hair-dresser stopped me. "Sir, sit in this one" he showed another chair. I got irritated. “Is that chair reserved for some other VIP?” I wanted to ask him. But, ended up moving silently towards the chair that he showed.

He started asking me the time-tested questions.


"Cutting or shaving?"

"Cutting", I said.

"Long or short?"

"Medium", I said irritated.

"Should I cut it straight in the back side or keep a sheet (now, that is a highly technical term)?"

"Don't cut it straight", I said firmly.



I remember Viswanath telling me long back that, when you cut it straight at the back, you look like a school kid. Viswanath is never wrong, especially in matters related to style.......... By the way, Viswanath is my friend, right from my school days and now he is my project mate and room mate.

"For your face-cut, it will be suitable only if it is cut straight". He was not ready to give up. After all, he was the master of the trade.

"It looks like a school boy when you cut it that way". I was not ready to give up either. After all, it was my hair.

"Sir, it is not the way you think. Moreover, the style of keeping a sheet at the back is outdated". I was not very keen on having an
argument on the latest trends in hair-styles with him. So, I let him have his way.

Now came the worst part of it all. I had to remove my spectacles.......had to sit there completely unaware of how things take shape over my very own head. (Now, don't start guessing the power of my eye. It is pretty high). I tried hard to listen to the FM radio that was being played there. Two program-anchors were talking continuously, making sure that they make no sense. I started wondering what would be the recruitment criteria for these people. Soon, as always, I got lost in thoughts. I was brought back to this world by the words of my beloved hair-dresser.

"Shall I reduce the moustache?"


"No"

"I will just trim a bit. It will look good". I am not going to be taken away by his stupid arguments this time.

"No. Thanks"

He turned my face both the sides and gave a careful look. It was the same look an artist gives after completing his master piece. Satisfied with his work, he said "Yes. It is over". As if waiting to hear those words all my life, I stood up and put back my spectacles. At last….Into the world again. I could not wait to look in the mirror to see what he has done to my hair. And my worst fears came true. Yes, it looked really bad, or so it seemed to me.

When I reached home, Viswanath was watching the same song that they put at least 5 times each day in every Tamil channel. Now, I have to hear his sarcastic comment on my hair style. He looked at me and said suddenly, “Mani, What happened? Looking very smart today. Had a hair cut, is it?” I couldn't believe my ears. Hearing those words from Viswanath is like getting the Mr. Universe title. I was delighted. May be the barber is good. After all, Viswanath is never wrong.

I went near the wash-basin and looked myself closely in the mirror. Yes, I was looking good. But, there seemed to be something wrong. He should have trimmed the moustache a bit.

My inner voice and me

I have this strange habit of challenging my "inner voice" quite often.

I got up at 9:00am today, which is very early by my standards after i have started working in this staggered shift (supposed to be from 2pm to 11pm). I went to bed at around 4:00am in the morning after standing in the terrace of my house for sometime, enjoying the unusually cool breeze that was blowing last night.

After finishing my breakfast, i was happy to realise that there was still so much time left to start to office. Took the "prodigal daughter" i had borrowed from shalini long time back and started reading from the page i had left. I was bored after sometime.

Closed the book and switched on the TV. Fortunately, i stay in shoinganallur and do not require an STB to watch all the channels. But, it was the wrong time of the day to watch TV. They were showing only serials and some waste movies in every channel. I kept browsing through the same channels again and again. Got bored of this too.

Switched off the TV and put "Radio Mirchi". They were playing my all-time-favourite song. i slowly closed my eyes and started listening to the song. The next song, next song, next...all were my favourite melodies. I do not know when i fell asleep.

I was in a deep sleep, when something suddenly struck me and i got up startled. It was 1:21pm. "My god. I got to be there in office at 2'O clock". As if waiting for an oppurtunity, my inner voice started talking now - "Ha ha. you got only 40 minutes. There is no way you are going to make it". I got angry. I knew that i got to take bath, press my dress, walk for 5 minutes to reach Shols checkpost, have my lunch and then take a maxi-cab to reach office. Probably i can not make it by 2'O clock. But then, i can not have my inner voice have its way. Never.

"I am going to make it", I said. Then my inner voice started laughing in its typical sarcastic way and said, "Let us see". The next second, i found myself in my bathroom. Set a new record for taking bath. Then i tactfully displayed the art of multi-tasking and got ready like a lightening. When i locked the house and stared walking, it was 1:42pm. I can still make it.

Surprisingly, the day was not that hot. I walked as fast as i can and went to Akshaya hotel and had just a curd rice and a vada. When i came back to the check-post, i saw a maxi-cab about to move. It was 1:54pm. I knew that i will miss my last chance to win the challenge if i miss that maxi-cab. I stared running towards it.

Finally, i had made it to the cab as the conductor (???) shouted "hold on" on seeing me running towards it. I smiled at him thankfully. The vehicle started moving. I found myself a corner of a seat. With much struggle, i took out the cell-phone from my pocket and saw the time. It was 1:56pm and i knew that it will hardly take 2 minutes to reach office. I was jubilant. I am going to make that stupid innner voice eat its words.

Suddenly the conductor shouted "hold on" again. But, i could see no one running towards the max-cab this time. After shouting "kelambakkam" for nearly 200 times and "hold on" for some 30 times, he shouted "polaam right". The driver, who looked far younger to be eligible for a driver's licence, seemed to be playing with the accelerator till that time. He got the "Secret code" from the conductor and was kind enough to start the vehicle.

Throughout this time, i did not dare to look at the time. I reached office, entered into the main gate, which was incidentally the victory line i had to reach and saw the time. 2:03pm. I had lost to my inner voice again. "You idiot. I will see you next time", i said disappointedly. My inner voice started laughing loudly.